


When You Yeast Expect It

by Adrianna99



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, Bad Puns, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Katsuki Yuuri is Confused, LLYBB Bing, M/M, Magical Fight, Molasses Monster, Prompt Fic, Victor Nikiforov is Extra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 19:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14456094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adrianna99/pseuds/Adrianna99
Summary: Yuuri inhaled deeply and let it out through his nose.  “Do youwantto get digested by a magical molasses monster from the depths of culinary hell?” he snapped.  “We have no other choice.”The yeast witch stared him down for a moment, and Viktor had no choice but to nod. He reallydidn’twant to get digested by a magical molasses monster from the depths of culinary hell, at least not before he asked Yuuri out.





	When You Yeast Expect It

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written in association with the Live and Love Bang as a mini bang, or a bing. Thanks so much to [Cat](http://chickenstrips-fuckem.tumblr.com/) for the beta and [Luna](http://argyros.tumblr.com/) for the incredible art! The lovely character designs she drew for this fic can be found [here](http://argyros.tumblr.com/post/173368754597/my-art-for-liveloveyoibang-bing-3-drawn-for).

The fourth time Viktor had a tipsy, irate customer complain to him about the apparent poor quality of the beer from the tap, he lost his temper.  

“I’m very sorry,” Viktor said with a tight, apologetic smile to the irritated customer in front of him.  “You know how it gets around this time of the month. The full moon must be interfering with the brewing process.  Can I offer you a refund?” 

After giving the customer back their money and a new, different kind of drink, Viktor let Chris take over the bar for the time being before stalking to the back room. “Yurio!” he shouted, and after a moment his scowling assistant wandered out from behind racks for storing bottles of alcohol. 

“What?” Yurio snapped, flicking his hair out of his eyes before squinting.  “You smell like shit.”

Viktor bit back a sigh. The third angry customer had accidentally spilled some of the bad beer on his shirt, and he still reeked of bad alcohol.  “You brewed the beer last month,” he said. “Now everyone’s complaining about it. What did you do wrong?”

Yurio scowled, crossing his skinny arms over his chest defensively.  “You know how hard it is brewing at the full moon, the yeast doesn’t cooperate with me!  I did the best I could. It can’t be  _ that _ bad, can it?”

Wordlessly Viktor left, coming back a moment later with a mug of beer from the tap. Without saying anything he thrust it into Yurio’s hands. The other man eyed him suspiciously for a moment and then took a cautious sip, swilling it around in his mouth before dramatically spitting off to the side.

“I hope you’re planning on cleaning that up,” Viktor groused, too frustrated to really push the issue. Yurio scowled pensively down at the beer in his mug, and then took another sip, this time spitting it out in front of him and almost splattering beer on Viktor’s shoes.  “Why do you keep drinking it if you don’t like it?” 

Yurio just shrugged.  

Viktor sighed deeply, pressing the heel of one hand to his forehead.  “What am I supposed to do?” he complained. “We have people out there who want to drink away their sorrows, and no beer for them to do that.”

“How am I supposed to know?” Yurio snapped.  “Hire a fucking yeast witch for all I care, I don’t know.”

Viktor’s eyes widened.  “A yeast witch!” he cried.  “Yes, Yurio, you’re a genius!  I’ll hire a yeast witch!”

Yurio eyed Viktor, seeming to be unsure as to whether Viktor was joking or not, but followed when Viktor rusked out of the back room.

“Chris!” Viktor said, clapping the other bartender on the shoulder.  “Do you know any yeast witches?”

Chris paused in the drink he was drinking and frowned, thinking.  “Not personally, no,” he replied after a moment. “Although I think my boyfriend knows the guy who runs the yeast witch firm up on main street, do you want me to give them a call?”

“No, no, I can do it,” Viktor mumbled, striding to his office and rummaging for a phone book.

Yurio trailed after him, looking remarkably confused.  “Wait, are yeast witches an actual thing?” he asked as Viktor pulled a heavy paper phone book out of his desk drawer and opened it to the correct page.

Viktor glanced up. “Of course yeast witches exist,” he said scornfully.  “Who else are we supposed to call when the yeast goes bad?”

Yurio rolled his eyes.

Viktor, ignoring him, picked up the phone and calling the correct number. After a moment the other line was picked up, and a cheerful voice said, “You’ve reached the Rising Bun Yeast Witch Firm, please just  _ wheat _ one moment.”

Viktor paused.  “Did you just…?”

A moment later the phone was picked up but someone different, who said, “Um, sorry about the bread puns.  Phichit thought it would be funnier than it is. How can I help you?”

Viktor closed his eyes, sinking down into his desk chair and leaning back.  “We’re having a lot of issues with our beer,” he said tiredly, passing a hand over his eyes.  “I think it might be the yeast.”

“I can come take a look,” the man on the other end of the phone offered, and for the first time Viktor noticed that his voice was low and warm, welcoming. 

“Yes, please,” Viktor said in relief, and opened his eyes to see Yurio staring at him in surprise, clearly shocked that the yeast witch firm was so smoothly run.  He should have known that there was no messing around, not in the yeast witch business.

“What’s your address?” the man on the other end of the line asked, and Viktor quickly rattled off the address of the bar before adding gratefully, “Thank you so much for coming so quickly.”

“Of course,” the other man said with a laugh in his voice, and then hung up the phone.

“Alright,” Viktor said to Yurio, smiling slightly.  “We’ve got a yeast witch coming in a few minutes to fix our alcohol. Can you go make sure there isn’t a riot until that happens?”

Yurio grunted.  “Fine,” he grumbled. “But this ‘yeast witch’ person had better be effective.”

Viktor raised an eyebrow.  “I would only hire the best yeast witches, Yurio,” he said reprovingly.  “You should have realized that by now.” Yurio just rolled his eyes before getting up to leave, returning to the main part of the bar.

Viktor waited anxiously by the door for the yeast witch to arrive, nodding and smiling absently to patrons as they arrived.  After about fifteen minutes of waiting a young man in a soft-looking sweater came in, round cheeks flushed from the cool air outside, dark hair windblown, adjusting his glasses as they slid down his nose. Viktor registered the man’s cuteness and internally bemoaned the fact that he had a job to do and a yeast witch to wait for. To his surprise, however, the man approached him.

“Are you the yeast witch?” Viktor said in surprise when the man stopped in front of him and stuck out his hand.

“You’re the proprietor of this establishment, correct?” the man said, even as his cheeks flushed and his eyes widened slightly behind his glasses, and Viktor recognized his voice from their phone call.

Viktor cleared his throat, and then shook the man’s hand as he replied, “Yes, I am.  Viktor Nikiforov.”

The man flashed him a small, slightly shy smile, and Viktor noticed for the first time that he smelled faintly of fresh bread. “Katsuki Yuuri,” the man said, his voice just as warm as it had been over the phone, and adjusted the bag he had slung over his shoulder.  “What seems to be the problem?” 

“Here, come with me,” Viktor said, beckoning the cute yeast witch to the back room. “The beer that we’ve been serving all night is apparently rather subpar,” he explained once they were alone, out of the hustle and bustle of the main part of the bar.  “We’ve had several complaints that it’s gone bad before its time. One of my employees thought it might have been the yeast, is there anything you can do about that?”

“May I taste some of the beer?” Yuuri asked, fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater as he smiled a little embarrassment.  “It might help me get a better idea of what exactly is the matter.”

“Oh, of course,” Viktor said, hurrying to pull Yuuri a drink from the tap. “At your own risk, though, I’ve tasted it as well and it’s really quite bad,” he added as a warning when he handed Yuuri the mug.

Yuuri stared pensively down at the mug of beer cupped between his hands, and then took a cautious sip.  His face immediately screwed up with disgust, but to Viktor’s surprise he swallowed the alcohol instead of spitting it out.  

“Yes, that’s definitely the yeast,” the yeast witch said, now scowling as he stared down at the foamy beer.  “Could I get a glass of water, please?”

“Oh! Of course!” Viktor exclaimed, and came back a moment later with a cup of water for Yuuri. 

The yeast witch gulped it down gratefully, and then said, “I think I can help, I’ll just need a little space to prepare.”

“Do you know what’s wrong?” Viktor asked, and Yuuri nodded seriously.

“Your yeast is cursed, I believe,” he said solemnly.  “I’ll need to reverse it if you want your beer to taste good again.”

“Well, there was no guarantee that it tastes good in the first place,” Viktor chuckled.  “After all, Yurio made it. But it would be great not to have too many people complaining, if possible.”

Yuuri snorted. “I can probably manage that,” he replied.

Viktor placed his hands on his hips and frowned pensively.  “Is there anything you need?” he asked. “Materials, extra hands…?”

Yuuri shook his head. “Just some space,” he repeated, and glanced around.  “Is here convenient?” 

Viktor smiled and gestured grandly to the dingy storeroom they occupied.  “Have at it.”

Yuuri smirked slightly, and then took his glasses off, tucking them in his bag.  That done he pushed his hair back out of his face, a few strands left to brush his forehead.  The yeast witch knelt on the floor and set his bag at his side, rummaging through it before pulling out a few small bags and tins of what Viktor assumed were arcane magical spell supplies.

“Do I need to leave?” Viktor asked sheepishly, still a little distracted by how sharp and intense Yuuri’s dark eyes were without his glasses.  

Yuuri glanced up from his bag, and smiled slightly.  “Oh, you’re fine to stay if you like, as long as you stay out of the way.” Red bloomed on his cheeks as he added, “I mean, so you don’t get hurt!  I’m sorry!” 

Viktor laughed.  “Don’t worry, I’ll stay out of your way,” he teased. 

Yuuri, still blushing, looked back down at his supplies before picking up a small pouch from the pile and sprinkling some of the yellowish powder from inside into the palm of his hand.

“Is there anywhere in particular I should stand?” Viktor asked as Yuuri walked in small circles around the center of the room, sprinkling powder from between two pinched fingers as he went.  

“No, where you are is fine,” Yuuri said as he passed, brushing off his hands when he sprinkled the last of the powder in the westernmost corner. The yeast witch took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders, and then returned to the center of the room where he had left his bag. He knelt again and pulled out a vial of what looked like water, pouring some on his hand before rubbing them together as if to wash them off.

Viktor watched in fascination as Yuuri simply sat in the center of the room with his eyes closed for a moment, breathing deeply, and when he opened his eyes again Viktor was vaguely surprised that they weren’t glowing or completely black or something equally supernatural. He and Yuuri made eye contact, and the yeast witch winked slightly, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, before busying himself with his spell again.

Viktor almost,  _ almost _ intervened when Yuuri pulled out a small tin of some thick, brownish liquid and began to drizzle it in patterns on the floor. As if sensing his distress, Yuuri looked up and explained in a quiet voice, “Don’t worry, it’s only molasses.  Molasses is the only thing able to counteract the curse that has afflicted your yeast.”

Viktor, appeased, stepped back again and settled himself against the wall as Yuuri dipped one finger in the molasses and traced several symbols on the cement floor of the storeroom before sitting back on his heels again.

Viktor watched in utter shock as the molasses Yuuri had drizzled began to bubble like hot tar, somehow growing larger in area.  Before he knew it there was a sizeable puddle of boiling molasses in front of Yuuri. An odd smell filled the room, somewhere between the sweet smell of the sugar molasses and something more acrid, almost like burning.  From around him there came a low humming buzz, and when Viktor glanced to the side out of the corner of his eye he saw that all the casks, bottles, and kegs around him were vibrating slightly where they stood.

In the center of the room Yuuri hovered both his hands over the molasses, his eyes closed and his breathing slow.  The humming in the room intensified slightly, and Viktor saw the first flecks of powdery yellow yeast in the air, floating like dust motes only illuminated by a shaft of sunlight.  The specks of yeast quickly became denser, fuzzing the air slightly between Viktor and Yuuri, swirling in miniature whirlwinds as the yeast witch held his hands steady. The yeast in the air, accompanied by the same smell of  _ wrongness _ that the beer had had, coalesced around Yuuri’s hands, sticking to the bubbling puddle of molasses before sinking down and disappearing into the thick liquid.

Viktor’s breath caught in his throat as some of the molasses near the corner of the puddle began to bubble and spit more intensely, but surely this was all part of Yuuri’s plan.  Surely Yuuri intended for the molasses to… to curl up and rise from the surface of the puddle, almost like an arm reaching up from a long-occupied grave. Yurui knew what he was doing.

Yuuri’s eyes cracked open slightly as if he sensed that something was wrong, and when he caught sight of the mass of molasses in the corner of the puddle, the dripping appendage quickly growing to look more and more like an arm, his eyes widened.  Panic lodged a lump in Viktor’s throat when the yeast witch scrambled back from the puddle of molasses, stumbling to his feet and putting his hands protectively out in front of him. 

The molasses arm continued to grow, and another appeared next to it as it emerged from the puddle of molasses that seemed more and more like a portal to another world. 

“Viktor!” Yuuri said in alarm, eyes never leaving the creature that was slowly but surely dragging itself from the depths of the puddle of molasses.  “Get behind me!”

Viktor wasted no time in making his way to the center of the room, but instead of cowering behind the yeast witch he stood by his side.  “What can I do to help?” he asked seriously, trying to hide the edge of fear in his voice.

“Just stay back, and let me handle this,” Yuuri said urgently as the molasses creature emerged fully from the now inert puddle on the cement floor.  “Let me handle this,” he repeated, his eyes wide.

The molasses creature turned to regard them, the lump where its head would have been tilted almost curiously. Viktor tried to breathe through his terror. The molasses monster was at least ten feet tall, its shoulders smearing molasses on the ceiling in black streaks even as its arms dripped spots of black on the floor.  Its entire form was dripping with molasses like melted wax, rolling down its body and rejoining the puddle it had emerged from, but it never seemed to decrease in size.

Yuuri, apparently the bravest person Viktor had ever met, stepped forward and raised both of his hands in a universal gesture of harmlessness. “What are you?” he asked.  “What do you want?”

The monster faced them for the longest minute of Viktor’s entire life in utter silence only broken by the slow drip of molasses from its left ear before suddenly lunging forward with surprising speed, both arms outstretched.

Yuuri yelped, and tugged Viktor out of the way just in time to avoid getting enveloped in sticky molasses. 

“What are we supposed to do?” Viktor yelled in panic as the monster slopped itself back up, molasses leaving smears on the floor where they had been standing. 

Yuuri quickly pulled Viktor away again when the monster turned its faceless head in their direction again, and they hunkered down behind a shelf of well-aged whiskey. Yuuri spent a moment staring out from behind the shelf, and then turned his attention back to Viktor with an apologetic grimace. 

“I’m sorry,” the yeast witch said, sounding somewhere between mortified and amused. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I should hope not,” Viktor replied dryly, and pushed his hair out of his face. His fingers came away sticky, and Viktor sighed heavily when he noticed streaks of molasses caught between the silver strands of his fringe. “Has this ever happened before?”

Yuuri’s silence was telling enough, and Viktor flared at him halfheartedly. “It has, hasn’t it?” he accused. 

Yuuri winced.  “It was a long time ago, and in my defense I was a little drunk,” he replied.  “It hasn’t happened since, I didn’t think it would be an issue.”

“Do you know why that… that  _ thing _ is here?” Viktor hissed urgently, ducking a little more behind the shelf. In the main part of the storeroom the molasses monster was lumbering in circles, seemingly looking for them.

Yuuri caught his lower lip between his teeth, and even though he was annoyed Viktor had to admit that the motion was  _ quite _ attractive. “Well, if this is like what happened last time,” Yuuri said hesitantly, “It’s because of the yeast. I told you that molasses is the only thing that can counteract cursed yeast, but sometimes if the curse is strong enough it… curses the molasses as well?  Hence the, um… the monster, who wants to absorb and digest us, if it’s anything like the last one.” He took a deep breath and rubbed at his face, unintentionally getting a smear of molasses under his eye. “I know how to fix it, though.”

“How?” Viktor said desperately as the molasses monster turned its body to the shelf they were hiding behind. 

“Molasses boils at about 107 degrees centigrade,” Yuuri said determinedly.  “We have to set it on fire.”

Viktor stared at him for a moment, speechless, mouth agape, and then squeaked, “Are you  _ insane?” _

Yuuri inhaled deeply and let it out through his nose.  “Do you want to get digested by a magical molasses monster from the depths of culinary hell?” he snapped.  “We have no other choice.”

The yeast witch stared him down for a moment, and Viktor had no choice but to nod. He really  _ didn’t _ want to get digested by a magical molasses monster from the depths of culinary hell, at least not before he asked Yuuri out. 

Yuuri, resolute, nodded back before snapping the fingers of one hand. Before Viktor could blink a small flame sparked to life in Yuuri’s palm, flickering merrily as if it wasn’t going to be used to smite a molasses monster. 

“You can do that?” Viktor shrieked, staring at the fire cupped in Yuuri’s palm. 

Yuuri blinked.  “Of course,” he replied.  “Fire is one of the easiest things in the world to create with magic. It takes  _ real _ skill to specialize in yeast.”

The shelf was suddenly torn away from in front of them, hitting the opposite wall with an ear-shattering crash. Viktor and Yuuri slowly looked up at the molasses monster towering above them. “Oh, shit,” Viktor whispered. 

A glob of molasses splattered on the floor, barely missing Viktor’s sleeve, and the two men scrambled away. “Stay behind me,” Yuuri ordered, and Viktor frowned.  “I don’t want you to get hurt,” Yuuri said. “I can do magic, please let me protect you.”

And then the monster glomped Yuuri up in what was essentially a gloopy hug before lurching away.

“Yuuri!” Viktor screamed, and before his brain could catch up with his actions he leapt at the molasses monster and latched onto its back. “Give him back!” he cried.

“Viktor, get  _ back!” _ Yuuri yelled, voice slightly muffled by the veritable waterfall of molasses between them, and Viktor instinctively peeled himself away from the molasses monster just as a burst of flame erupted around the monster’s torso. Viktor clambered backwards, his front streaked with molasses, as Yuuri stood in the center of the room with fire wreathing his hands. 

The molasses monster stumbled away but it was already melting before the heat of Yuuri’s magic fire, dissolving into a puddle again that coalesced on the floor. Yuuri kept the fire going even as the monster completely melted back into the molasses it had come from.  “The curse should be gone,” the yeast witch said seriously as he looped up to meet Viktor’s eyes, face shadowed in the flickering light of the fire before he waved a hand to put it out.

Viktor numbly crossed the room, stepping over the pile of molasses as he did so with barely a flinch. “Is it gone?” he asked, and Yuuri nodded. Up close, Viktor could see that the yeast witch was drenched in molasses pretty much from head to toe.

“I’m so sorry that this happened,” Yuuri said, raking his fingers through his hair but only succeeding at rubbing the molasses in and slicking it back further.

“It’s not your fault,” Viktor said with a tiny smile even as he looked around at the molasses streaked on the floor and ceiling, the small piles of yeast in the corners like snow drifts, the shattered bottles of whiskey mixed in with broken shards of shelf against one wall. “It was a mistake.”

Yuuri bit his lip. “I can pay you back for the damage,” he said.

Viktor smiled, and held out a hand. “I know how you can pay me back,” he said. “Help taste test the beer with me. You know, to make sure it tastes alright.”

Yuuri looked up in surprise, and then a small smile spread across his lips as he reached out and took Viktor’s sticky, sugary hand in his own.

“I think I can rise to the occasion.”

**Author's Note:**

> BONUS:
> 
> “Chris, what the hell?” Viktor said in annoyance as he and Yuuri left the storeroom, still dripping with molasses. “You can’t possibly have missed the crashing and banging and screaming.”
> 
> Chris eyed them both, looking more amused than anything.
> 
> “I didn’t miss it,” he said.  “The _crashing_ and _banging_ and _screaming_ were very clear.”
> 
> “Then why didn’t you come to help?” Viktor seethed, squeezing Yuuri’s hand.
> 
> Chris just raised an eyebrow. “I assumed you and your cute new friend were celebrating a job well done,” he replied mildly. “That would explain the _banging_.”
> 
> Yurio couldn’t stop laughing for five minutes.
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this fic, it was a ton of fun to collab on! Thanks for reading, feel free to comment/ask questions or talk to me [here](https://iwritebetterthanispeak.tumblr.com/), and have a fabulous day, dear reader!
> 
> (Info about the Live and Love Bang [here](https://liveloveyoibang.tumblr.com/))


End file.
